Rebecca Morrin
When I Wanted to be Normal

_____I was twenty-one years into my life at this day. I had a couple thousand dollars to my name, a little cracker-box of a car, and a room in my mother’s house with the same decorations from high school. The current path was undetermined as far as I could see. I would eventually return to school after a two-year sabbatical, but with a far different outlook on the world.
_____Returning to that guy was always a treat. I spent time in my twenties working as a masseuse, trying to retain some sense of normalcy in my life. For a person whose life is, was, and always may be in a constant state of flux, normalcy is a thing more precious than gold. It is coveted, sought, bargained for when all else fails. It is the battle cry of every person in America. Normal is the state we all desire. When it is invaded is when the greatest change happens.
_____He invaded my normalcy from odd angles. He always showed up when least expected or frankly, wanted. Up until the end it was shorter each trip back. I guess that was a good thing. This return lasted less than one day. One of my favorite days.
_____I was the only masseuse in the spa from noon until three. It was a Monday and there was only a single appointment on the books, a new customer so I really did not feel a need to check the name. Mondays are inherently normal. Two p.m. snuck up on me like a pickpocket on the subway, something you should be looking for but are surprised when it happens to you. Nobody notices the danger of the little moments that go by without thought, without care.
_____“So where do you want me?”
_____It was that cocky, self-assured voice I had grown to know over the years. There was never any doubt who would be facing me when I turned around. “Hello Aaron, how are you?”
_____“Vick?” He paused as if it took him hours to register his thoughts. The only person in the world I would admit to be smarter than me and he still could not string a simple sentence together without pausing for air. “Well Vicky how the mighty have fallen.”
_____“I haven’t fallen. The path just moved a little from where I intended.”
_____“Whatever. If this is weird I can just go.” He always seemed like he was trying to do a good thing. The best intentions though are sometimes followed up by the worst infections.
_____“Look A, I’m the only one here today and you’re my last appointment. So make up your mind and I can hopefully go home in time to drink myself into a stupor and thus forget your very existence.” Man am I tart when I want to be. This tongue is mightier that the sword. I just wanted him out of the room quickly. Too much time around him and I forget Aaron was the playboy of the western world. Too much time around him and all reason, logic, and sense flew away like spiders in a strong wind. While alive one feels the universe should be ruled by reason and logic. It is rarely the case, but like everything else, it is one of those unexpected things.
_____This is why I was NOT expecting the next sentence:
_____“How about we skip the massage and I buy you drinks until we are both invisible?”
_____Drinking heavy quantities of Johnny Walker can erase a multitude of sins. Drinking a tavern’s entire supply in one sitting leads to them.
_____I am not proud of what I did that night. I may even regret it now, but what can someone do after the event? It should rain on days like that. It should not be sunny with no clouds and a happy breeze. The sunlight shows the transgressor for whom she truly is. On a dark and stormy day one can hide from her sins. The light magnifies them.

_____“So … how nis your girlfiend?”
_____“For a grammar freak you suck when drunk my dear Victoria. And for the record, I have none at the moment.” Wow, this is news.
_____“What, she finally wise up to your charming personality?”
_____“No I called her Vicky in bed.” I knew Aaron was messing with me, but I just felt too good to care at this point. “Seriously, she only wanted my money. You never wanted that, you would actually be put off by some of it.”
_____“I remember.” Was that a note of sadness in my voice? Maybe it was just a wistful remembrance.
_____“It seems the bottle is empty beautiful girl. How’s about we retire to my apartment and continue with some more Scotch?” He was so full of surprises that day. Aaron was always full of surprises. When I awoke that morning, I expected to spend the day massaging fat old men, who used my services as their way of cheating on their wives without getting divorced over it.
_____The apartment was typical bachelor male – pizza boxes and Maxim magazine strewn about. The comforts of home it was not. I knew exactly why I was up there, I think. Logic does not apply to those who seek normal. Aaron treated me well when he wanted this. His hands held my face with gentleness like a bumblebee alighting on an early morning rose.
_____Moments that pass in silence can often speak volumes when the moment passes. You never know when they will happen, but moments happen. Maybe not speaking is what should happen.